rant time. unfiltered. don't @ me
you live once. you didn't choose to be born and you won't choose to die. everything in between is the only part that's actually yours. i used to think that was depressing until i flipped it... if i'm gonna die anyway why not just live. fully.
i used to ask "why me" every time something went wrong. took me a while to realize it's not just me. it's everybody. pain isn't personal it's just the cost of existing. nobody is special in that sense. we're all just here, figuring it out, pretending we have more control than we do.
there's this idea i keep coming back to... think of your life like a radar chart. every axis is a part of you. money, skills, relationships, health, mental, whatever matters to you. now be honest with yourself and score it. not perfect. just good enough. because here's the thing nobody tells you... you will never max every axis. ever. the people you look up to, the ones who built remarkable things, they always paid a price somewhere. relationships, mental health, something. always something. that's not a warning that's just the math of being human.
money is never enough i've tried it... it covers the emptiness but never kills it.
i want to build something so big the world has to follow. not for ego not for claps. i think about mark zuck, not because of the billion users, but because he built something and the world had no choice but to reorganize around it. he never stopped when it got heavy, when people called him evil... he just kept going that's the part that moves me
i want to matter somehow. leave something behind. i don't know what that thing is yet and that eats me honestly right now i'm just chasing money blindly. i know it won't fix anything but what else do you do when you don't have the answer yet. you just move. even if it's the wrong direction at least you're moving
i look at people way smarter than me and feel like i'm nowhere near them. but then again everyone pays a price somewhere... the radar chart is never full for anyone. not even them
the real fear isn't that i'm not smart enough. it's that i'll get too comfortable. that life will just become okay one day and i'll stop. and i'll never do the thing i actually wanted to do. there's this stoic idea that the enemy isn't failure it's comfort. comfort is slow. it doesn't announce itself. it just quietly replaces your hunger with satisfaction and you don't even notice until you're already settled
i can already see it happening in real time. he passion is still there i think... i just outgrew my goals and haven't found something worth obsessing over yet. the target got too small for where i am now
nothing is in motion right now. that's the whole problem...not intelligence not capability not ideas. just... nothing moving. and i know that. and somehow even knowing it i'm still here not moving
i want to ship something. anything. just to prove to myself that the uncomfortable version of me is still alive you live once.
bye.